Attention, homeowners: the world is scheduled to end April 23rd, and Lockwood & Mead stands ready to help you

so you don't forget, call today!

An unknown (to scientists) death planet is due to align with the earth in less than two weeks, and the planet is doomed. Here at L&M, we totally believe that prediction, but there are doubters out there, and they are sure to be eager to take advantage of what they perceive as a bargain. Our strong recommendation is that you list your Greenwich property with us at a fire sale price: $150,000, say, or, for mansions, as high as $1,000,000, but with a required closing within two days. That will give you as much time as possible to enjoy your wealth in the final days, while the poor deluded fools who don't know what's coming will repose in happy ignorance.

And we promise to refund 25% of our commission if doomsday comes and goes without consequence.