The End Days Are Come

Pain, pain, go away, come again some other day.

No, not Kung Flu, something more disturbing: Ireland reports its first venomous snake bite in history

Ireland experienced its first venomous snake bite in history in the lead-up to Saint Patrick's Day, The Irish Post reported. Saint Patrick, the man credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland, also expelled all snakes from the island, according to legend. …

So Connolly Hospital must have been surprised to receive a 22-year-old Dublin man who had been bitten by a venomous snake late last month. The Dubliner reportedly owns a venomous puff adder, one of the most aggressive and dangerous snakes. The breed is commonly found in Morocco and Western Arabia and is responsible for more snake bite deaths than any other African snake.

James Hennessy, director of the National Reptile Zoo, said this was the first time a medical professional requested anti-venom from his establishment.

"Puff adder venom is pretty nasty," Hennessy told Newstalk. "It's going to start digesting and disintegrating all around the area of the bite, and that will continue up the limb as well."

"It will then cause massive internal issues as well, if not treated," he explained. The reptile expert added that to his knowledge, this is "the first recorded venomous snakebite in Ireland."

It brings to mind the story — undoubtedly true — of the two hunters in the jungle. One is struck in the groin by a deadly puff adder and while he’s writhing on the ground in his final death throes, his friend tells him that he’ll run back to the last village they’d passed and get medical advice from the witch doctor.

Informed by the doctor that the only treatment is to suck the poison out of the injured body part, the hunter rushes back to his companion’s side.

“What did he say?”, the hunter wails, “can you save me? Help!”

His would-be savior shakes his head sadly: “Freddie, he says you’re gonna die”.

I suppose you can’t tell that joke anymore, but I just did.