Not the Babylon Bee

Still waiting

Well okay, it is the Babylon Bee, but where else are you going to find real news these days?

Obama withholds Biden endorsement while he waits to see if anyone else, anyone at all, will declare

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden campaign is ecstatic that Bernie Sanders has dropped out of the race, making Joe Biden the presumed nominee of the Democrat party. Campaign aides broke the news to Joe Biden during his nightly campaign meeting, where they traditionally sit down to remind Joe what his name is and that he’s running for president.

Biden set down his glass of warm milk and danced a jig upon hearing the news. He then ran out into the street in his silk pajamas and stocking cap to go to his friend Barack Obama’s house to secure the nomination he had long waited for.

According to sources, Obama came to the door but refused to open it. “Lookie here Joe,” Obama was heard saying through the $80,000 oak door. “There’s uh… still plenty of time in this race. Let’s not be, um… too hasty here, OK, Joe?” Biden was then seen collapsing at Obama’s doorstep in a puddle of tears before a team of aides and nurses picked him up and led him back to the safety of his basement.