And they will no longer be stocked in your favorite store’s freezer but in the soup section instead. Justice!!!!

Eskimo Pies to change its name because … well, because!

The maker of Eskimo Pies will change the 99-year-old brand name of the ice cream treat, the company said Friday — becoming the latest organization to overhaul the marketing of a product with a racially tinged moniker in recent weeks.

“We are committed to being a part of the solution on racial equality, and recognize the term is derogatory,” the [Dreyer’s Grand Ice Cream’s] head of marketing said in a statement.

“This move is part of a larger review to ensure our company and brands reflect our people values,” the company added.

Along with the name change, the company will alter the treat’s marketing scheme, which traditionally featured a young boy dressed as an Eskimo in a snowy environment.

John Hinderaker:

So another minority becomes more invisible. I will hazard the wild guess that not a single Eskimo ever complained about Eskimo Pie. It is all idiotic pandering and virtue signaling driven by corporate suits in the marketing departments of conglomerates who couldn’t possibly care less about native peoples who live above the Arctic Circle, but care a great deal about their standing with fellow liberals. I deleted an adjective before that last noun.

UPDATE: The Babylon Bee, as always, ahead of the news. The Paper of record indeed.

Activists fight racism by driving all people of color out of pop culture

U.S.—Activists are fighting racism by demanding that people of color be removed from all media, brands, logos, mascots, and anywhere else they might pop up.

"Anywhere we see a person of color, we see racism. So we must end racism by making sure people of color are not depicted anywhere," said white liberal activist Petunia Faucett. "We will not rest until all pop culture icons of color are eliminated. Then, racism will be over."

Activists across the country cheered as another pop culture icon of color was removed this morning. "We worked hard to achieve this goal, and the day is finally here," Faucett said. "But our work is not done. We must be vigilant to hunt down people of color on butter tubs, syrup bottles, cartoons, and bags of rice, and take them out of the public consciousness."

"When only white people are shown as mascots, cartoon characters, and brand logos, we will have truly arrived at our diverse, racism-free future."

Dartmouth to remove Indian weather vane

Native Americans at Dartmouth, a student organization that supports Native and Indigenous students at the College, wrote in a statement that the image on the weather vane promotes an idea that white systems of education are “valued above” those of the Native American community.

Pretty rich, coming from a culture that in 10,000 years couldn’t invent the wheel.