Ugly is as ugly sells

498 Lake Avenue, part of the subdivision of the old princess’s estate at the Round Hill Road intersection, is pending at $6.995 million. The design strikes me as hideous, but the listing description tells who it was targeted at, and what do they care about design when they’re scrambling for a panic room?

Impeccable seven-bedroom stone/shingle home, newly built and meticulously constructed in 2020 by Kaali-Nagy, graces four maturely landscaped acres with pool site. Ideal spot to shelter in place with lots of space to roam yet close to top ranked schools, first-rate medical facilities offering top quality care and major highways. Be the first to live in this luxurious, well-scaled home perfect for comfortable living and entertaining. Affords gated, approved access only to a protected lane and natural wildlife sanctuary. One of only two remaining homes in this private three-home enclave set on 11 total, park-like acres featuring expansive properties in two-acre zones. Don't miss this rare opportunity to buy at an amazing, competitive price with no future projects planned.

(Should we warn the buyer that the “wildlife sanctuary”mentioned is in fact a 1/2-acre swamp, home to Nile Fever- hosting mosquitos and rabid raccoons? Or that the lush lawns are dripping with Lyme* disease? Nah, they’ll figure that out for themselves.)

*I forget: can we still name diseases after their town/country of origin, or is that racist?

UPDATE: Good Lord, Holden has pointed out this bit of virtual-landscaping — I realize that the commission on a $7-million sale is contemptibly insignificant, but surely professional pride would prod you to do better?