The supply chain crisis hits home

that’s not true! that’s not true! We have plenty!

Panic at the White House as Depends supply is exhausted

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a White House staff member charged with stocking the East Wing with everyday necessities like tissues, toilet paper, young girls, ice cream, and underwear featuring maximum absorbency and a bold, masculine design for a smooth, sleek fit, has been having trouble finding that last item on the list.

“When I told the First Lady store shelves were empty, she yelled at me, then instructed the Secret Service to meet her in the White House craft room with a package of Huggies, some scissors, and rolls of duct tape,” said the exhausted staffer.

Some crazed conspiracy theorists claim the recent rise in FBI raids on senior living centers can be directly tied to the shortage of products promising incontinence protection for men in a variety of styles, absorbencies, and colors.