The Royal Twits sign up with Proctor & Gamble; Meghan to get lifetime supply of P&G’s skin-whitener, Dark Lovely.

as endorsed by her holiness, the duchess of sussex

Sick of public scrutiny and determined to live a quiet, secluded life in their $11 million mansion, the boy child and his older bride have nonetheless succumbed to the lure of lucre extended by the world’s largest manufacturer of skin-whiteners. “Such a deal”, cooed Ms. Markle, “and Carrot Top here will be getting just oodles of Man Tan, free!”

The Duke himself was indignant when reached for comment by FWIW: “You write anything about this, peasant, and I’ll sue you so hard you’ll find yourself living in a cardboard box on the sidewalk. And don’t give me any shite about your bonkers First Amendment — I’ve got friends in Washington, and you’ll soon find out how long that loophole lasts!”