Fine: give it back

San Juan suburb; do we really want a Port-au-Prince or Havana look-alike within our borders? We already have San Francisco

House Democrats rush to “Decolonize” Puerto Rico

"We have an opportunity here to deal with the colonial legacy — a legacy that should not be part of the governance of this nation of ours — and the U.S. citizens of Puerto Rico deserve to have the same democratic principles that we believe in and swear to," the bill’s sponsor, Democrat Raul Grijalva of Arizona, said in July.

Republicans argued Wednesday night that the bill essentially funds Puerto Rico’s sovereignty or statehood without demanding anything in return, such as payment of taxes.

This island has been an expensive shit hole since 1898; it’s long past time we acknowledged our guilt and set the place free, and unlike what we do with our Indians, let’s not stop at merely expressing our guilt and keeping their land, let’s cut them loose with a sigh of relief, thereby setting an example for the world, and demonstrating America’s commitment to righting past wrongs.

There are a few difficulties with this solution, including national security (which we can fix with a 200-year treaty that guarantees us the exclusive right to maintain a military presence there — 200 years, because we’ve seen what happened to Hong Kong when the Brit’s 99-year lease expired) and the unfortunate fact that we granted U.S. citizenship to the natives back in 1917; I’m not sure what to do with that one, but surely there’s a solution: are there no neutron bombs? A Fauci-designed superbug? Better minds than mine can deal with the issue.

But it’s time to let it go. Despite the residents’ repeated defeat of plebiscites that would have approved full statehood (a rejection that surely was not because full statehood would have resulted in the imposition of federal taxes on the island for the first time), the best minds of the Democrats rule now, and we should bow to their wisdom and do a Robin Williams: “float away little bird!”