Another triumph for women's sports

Biggerbetterstrongersmarter, and don’t you know it!

Will Thomas creams the competition in the women's 500-yard freestyle race, beats nearest competitor by 7 seconds

Penn transgender swimmer Lia Thomas won an Ivy League Championship in the 500-yard freestyle Thursday night, picking up her first individual victory of the week.

Thomas got off to a slow start in the event and had to fight off Princeton’s Ellie Marquardt early in the race. Thomas pulled way ahead by the midpoint of the race. 

She finished with a time of 4:37:32 and took home first place, giving the Quakers 32 points for the total team rankings. Thomas’ teammate Catherine Buroker finished in second place with a time of 4:44.83, and Penn's Anna Sofia Kalandadze finished in fourth place with a time of 4:47.54. 

Thomas finished about seven seconds ahead of Buroker to pick up the victory and set a record at Harvard University's Blodgett Pool.

“You’re looking at the future of women’s sports”, Mr. Thomas told FWIW proudly. “I mean, the charade is over: men are just superior to women — the girls should stop all their nonsense and go back to competing in things they’re good at like, I dunno, spelling bees? Bake-offs? So long as they stay away from sports, I don’t really care.”