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BOSTON, MA—Dozens of swimmers are dead and thousands of viewers have been traumatized as a Great White Shark named Tia was allowed to compete in the women's 500-yard freestyle event at the Ivy League Swimming & Diving Championships Friday.

"Wow, this brave swimmer is really making a splash here," said one commentator as the starting buzzer went off and the shark immediately thrashed through the pool, eating swimmers screaming for their lives. "Look at that form! It's like she was biologically designed for this kind of thing."

Tia continued to dominate heat after heating, wowing spectators with her speed, form, poise, and ability to maul anyone in the pool.

"What's your secret?" asked a reporter after the event. She was promptly eaten.

The shark was awarded every medal and placement, as all the other swimmers were dead. The official who gave her the championship trophy was promptly eaten.

UNRELATED, but watch the finish of this race anyway:

🥇🥈

Lia Thomas is the @IvyLeague champion in the 500 free. Her time of 4:37.32 is a new pool record.

Catherine Buroker finishes in second.#FightOnPenn pic.twitter.com/ki2SQdxn6Q

— Penn Swimming & Diving (@PennSwimDive) February 17, 2022