The poster dolts for global warming go for a spin around the block — in a 7-SUV convoy

The Dreadful Dregs of Empire travel 200 feet from their hotel to a mental illness celebration. “Global warming is real!” Miss Marple shrieked from a rolled down limo window at passersbys. “Prepare to die, all of you, because you are doomed; DOOOOMED, I tell you!”

Asked by FWIW whether he and his awful creature-bride weren’t being a tad hypocritical in their choice of transportation given their previous vows to be “carbon neutral” by 2030*, the child formerly known as Prince was unrepentant: “Piss off, peasant”, he explained. “We’re already doing our part, and more: we walked here from California; we’ve reserved a composting site for our corpses for when we, along with the rest of the world die that year; and Megs and I demonstrate our commitment to the cause by turning off the light switch every time we leave a room — or have someone else do it for us — same thing.”

*For a prominent couple like the Sussexes, frequent global travel will naturally be one piece of the puzzle. But for anyone, rethinking day-to-day transportation [they thought, rethought, and decided, “fuck it” —ed] or even something as simple as flipping off light switches … can add up toward an overall positive environmental impact.