Dianne Feinstein: "I will not run for reelection in 2024". Accepts position as John Fetterman's "eyes and ears" in the Senate

who am i? why am i (still) here?

The 89-year-old will, of course, continue to serve her country while asleep for the next two years, when she’ll be awakened from her slumber and wheeled out of the Capitol a final time.

“Palsied, senile, and incompetent” is often considered a disqualifying condition for a United States senator, though not a president, but Pennsylvanians are sure to welcome this improvement to their own senator’s staff.

UPDATE: Feinstein is apparently angling to replace her party’s president. At an afternoon press conference today she confessed to having no memory of having made her retirement announcement two hours before.

Democrat California Sen. Dianne Feinstein appeared unaware of her own retirement announcement Tuesday, telling a group of reporters at the Capitol that she hadn't made a decision on her future despite announcing just hours before that she would not be seeking reelection in 2024.

According to multiple reports, a Feinstein staffer quickly notified the senator that a statement had already been made on her retirement, prompting her to say she was unaware the information had been released.

Oh, no, I'm not announcing anything. I will one day," Feinstein told the outlet in an interview only an hour after her retirement was announced.