Well, duh. it's because all the black college graduates find better-paying jobs in corporate DEI departments
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Dispensing foamy coffee drinks has long been the go-to (well, end-up) job for today’s liberal arts graduates: put in a couple of tongue rings and a nostril piercing or two and presto: you’re a barista. That works for white victimhood studies and Third World Poetry majors, but after an intensive search the nation’s coffee shoppes, USA Today has concluded that blacks are underrepresented in the beanery vendors, and claims that that’s a problem. What stupid-heads.
Today, any black person with even a community college degree and a grievance can find a cushy job in the diversity, equity and inclusion departments of corporations and universities, and there’s not a single such job that pays less than $97,500, and starting pay for black transvestites is $127,012 (statistics provided by FWIW’s own investigative reporting team). Who would turn down that kind of money and the opportunity to shame and ridicule dumb white people for a job paying only $20 per hour and that comes with a requirement that you actually show up for work approximately on time?
If there’s something wrong here, I don’t see it.
*“He seems to know a lot about single origin coffees,” said customer and electrician Trevor Nesko, “But I can’t tell if he’s legit. He just… doesn’t have any tattoos.”
“His latte art is on point,” said Wendy Beauchamp, a graphic designer and longtime customer, “But he looks like he just graduated from the Boy Scouts. Even a simple forearm tattoo would make me feel more at ease around him.”
A few of Morgan’s coworkers spoke with The Knockbox on condition of anonymity.
“We’ve recommended like, a dozen tattoo artists, but he shows no interest,” one told us. “He’s a super-competent barista, but if customers don’t trust him, it reflects poorly on all of us.”
“A mustache would go a long way for his credibility,” said another coworker, “But I doubt that he can actually grow one. Maybe a man-bun? Anything would help.”
Morgan told the Knockbox that he thinks customers should judge him by the quality of the coffee he’s serving, not by his appearance.
“I have nothing against tattoos,” he added, “It’s just… I’m 22. I don’t know if I’m going to make the best decisions right now about what I want on my body for the rest of my life. That said,” he continued, “If I do get one, it’ll probably be a flower or a bird.”
