And we're back, with this breaking news: Official Nantucket mascot comes to aid of bike thief

Golden Retriever befriends bicycle thief, begs a tummy rub, “and when you’ve finished, I’ll show you where the jewelry’s hidden — woof”

Golden Retrievers are beloved on Nantucket because they’re blonde, good-looking, and you can hear the sea breeze whistling through their skulls as it passes into one ear and out the other; yes, just like their owners.

There is probably no truth to the rumor that Nantucket Blondes refuse to enter the island’s annual Owner v. Dog spelling bee contest for fear that they’ll be shown up.

Probably.