How Pathetic UPDATE: Good Lord, they've removed the Jagger report, leaving only his picture behind)
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coming to grass island beach? stay tuned.
FWIW’s Local Media Monitor, Miss Susie, sends along this sad evidence that Greenwich is populated by humorless stuffed-shirt residents, and craven publishers.
Greenwich Sentinel
Subject: Clarification Regarding the Mark Pruner’s April Fool’s Column [Mick Jagger is NOT playing at GTP]
Dear Readers of Greenwich Sentinel,
I am writing to address a recent situation concerning the April Fool’s column written by Mark Pruner, which appeared in our publication. We understand that this column has caused some confusion and concern among our readers.
I would like to extend our sincerest apologies to anyone who was thought the content of this column was real. It has come to our attention that many of our readers were not aware that the column was an April Fool’s joke. This unintended misunderstanding has led to the Greenwich Sentinel, the Greenwich Town Party, and Bob Capazzo to being inundated with phone calls from those who did not understand the April Fool’s nature of Mark’s column.
To clarify, the column written by Mark Pruner is an annual tradition for April Fool’s Day, wherein he crafts a humorous and fictional narrative. This year, the column included playful stories about Mick Jagger performing at the Greenwich Town Party (which is absolutely NOT happening), a surprising proposal to double Greenwich’s mill rate, the relocation of the US Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases to Greenwich Point, and the Bruce Park Grill receiving a Michelin Star under new award guidelines.
We want to highlight that at the end of the column, Mark Pruner clearly indicated the jesting nature of his write-up with a sign-off indicating it was an April Fool’s edition.
He writes: I hope you enjoyed this April Fools’ edition of the Greenwich Sentinel real estate report. If you liked it, you can email me at Mark.Pruner@compass.com. If you didn’t, you can email my brother at Russell.Pruner@compass.com and ask him what’s wrong with his brother, and also wish him Happy Birthday on his April 1st birthday.
However, we recognize that the joke was not apparent to all, and for this, we are truly sorry. It was never our intention to mislead or cause any inconvenience to our readers or the individuals and organizations mentioned.
We value the trust and relationship we have with our community. Thank you for your understanding and continued support. Should you have any concerns or wish to discuss this matter further, please feel free to contact me at Publisher@GreenwichSentinel.com or Mark Pruner at Mark.Pruner@compass.com.
Warm regards,
Beth Barhydt, Publisher, Greenwich Sentinel
It says a lot about some of Greenwich’s finest minds that they can read Pruner’s column and ignore as spoofs (God, I hope so, anyway) the first two items:”BET to Double Property Taxes”*; and “Army to Acquire Tod’s Point”; and then reach and believe the third, “Jagger to Perform at Greenwich Town Party”.
Morons.
Here are the first two sections of Mark’s column:
*BET in Surprise Move to Double Tax Rate
Over the past decade, Greenwich politics have become more partisan, but not to the extent that members won’t consider good ideas from the opposing party. Despite both sides claiming credit, the proposal to double Greenwich’s lowest-in-the-state mill rate appears to enjoy bipartisan support.
Some Republicans endorse the idea as a return to “pay-as-you-go” budgeting, reminiscent of previous decades. One dissenting Republican noted that with the town’s $174 million debt and current property tax revenue of around $420 million, a 41% increase in the mill rate could eliminate the debt in one year.
Democrats argue that given the high interest and inflation rates, investing in capital improvements now is prudent to avoid higher costs in the future. They propose allocating 59% of the increased taxes to build 13 new schools immediately, to prevent further cost escalation. For the 14th school, Old Greenwich Elementary, they suggest preserving its exterior while dropping a new school inside by helicopter.
Republicans question the feasibility of replacing all of the schools with $246 million. Democrats suggest doubling the rates for two years to complete the projects, enabling a large tax reduction thereafter, as new schools wouldn’t be needed for three decades.
Republicans advocate for a “One and Done” approach, while Democrats favor “Two for the Money.”
Army to Acquire Greenwich Point
The US Army has plans to relocate USAMRIID, the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases, to Greenwich Point. The Institute studies deadly pathogens such as Ebola and Marburg hemorrhagic fevers.
In the announcement, the commanding colonel highlighted the recent relocation of the Department of Agriculture’s National Bio and Agro-Defense Facility to Manhattan, Kansas from Plum Island NY. He pointed out that like Plum Island Greenwich Point is also a surrounded-by-water location. The existing guard house and narrow peninsula resemble USAMRIID’s security measures.
Additionally, the sandy beaches provide ideal training grounds for beach assault exercises. The colonel assured the reporters that compliance with Greenwich P&Z regulations, including FAR regulations, won’t be an issue. However, meeting the Green Area regulation might be challenging since most lab-area vegetation tends to be brown.
Residents with scannable beach cards can still access the beaches on weekends, except during air or beach assaults. Families are advised to wear MOPP suits, which many already have from the Covid years.
