Sic transit gloria quisquilirum

all gone

25 Close Road, a hideous mansion built, if I remember, by or for a Russian oligarch in 2000 and sold to the present owner for $19.5 million in 2007, has been demolished, and the five acres, much of it underwater, that it sat on have been put back on the market for $10.995 after failing to sell, with house still standing, at $12 million in 2020. Both prices strike me as ridiculous as the house itself was. The town appraises those five acres at $1.6 million, which is probably too low, but it’s unusual for an owner’s opinion of the value of his property to differ so drastically from that of the professionals hired by the town to make those appraisals.

How hideous was the house? Well, back when it was being constructed, my book “The New Millionaire’s Handbook”, a guide for the newly-rich on how to be rude, arrogant, and inculcate a sense of entitlement in their horrible children,was in the pre-publication phase, and its midwestern illustrator was having trouble envisioning the awfulness of the houses being built by the new masters of the universe. So I went up here, took shots of its exterior, and sent them off to McNeil Macmillan. My book is, sadly, long out of print, but if you’re unfortunate to have a copy of it hanging around, you can find sections of this exact house on many of its pages.

THE ORIGINAL BROKER BACK THEN UNWISELY INSISTED ON CALLING THIS FEATURE A “NATATORIUM”, WHICH, OF COURSE, IS LATIN FOR “URINAL BIG ENOUGH TO SWIM IN”. AS I SAY, NEVER USE A LATIN PHRASE IF YOU’RE NOT CERTAIN OF ITS MEANING (AS I’ve done IN THE HEADLINE ABOVE)