The Bee's the only reliable, trustworthy news source left, so this must be true

I can always use a new tie, I suppose.

"It has been an honor to lie to you everyday, but I've decided to leave my job lying to the press and go back to my old gig lying to normal everyday people as a salesman for Men's Wearhouse," Jean-Pierre said in a final press conference in which she invited colleagues to visit her at the Men's Wearhouse on 6th Avenue in Manhattan. "When God closes a door, He opens a closet."

(The picture above is real; the picture below may not be, although it certainly appears to be authentic)