Booker quits, and, naturally, the Babylon Bee has the story

I want to thank both of you for thinking about voting for me

Cory Booker moved to tears during participation trophy acceptance speech

NEWARK, NJ—After accepting his resignation from the 2020 presidential race, the Democratic National Committee awarded its coveted Participation Trophy to Senator Cory Booker for all of his fine work on his brief campaign.

"This is a big deal," said DNC chairperson Tom Perez. "Not every candidate gets one of these. Well, actually they do, but not all at the same time, so that makes it special."

At the award ceremony, Booker made no effort to hide his emotions during his two-hour acceptance speech. "I just wish there was some way to share this with all of you who took your hard-earned money and backed a candidate with no real chance of getting the nomination," said a tearful Booker. "But, alas, there isn't. So if any of you want to stop by my office and look at it, you're certainly welcome."