There's really no need to rely on any news source other than the Babylon Bee

No soup for you!

Hick farmers withhold shipping ingredients needed to make avocado toast

"Until further notice, you'll have to farm your own wheat and grow your own avocados," a spokesperson for America's farmers said as he chewed on a stalk of Timothy grass and did other stereotypical farmer things. "Have fun! Yeehaw!"

…..

The coastal elites were devastated by the sanctions, as the only thing they know how to grow is marijuana in their parents' basement.

"Nooooo!!!" screamed one Hollywood screenwriter as his assistant nervously informed him there would be no avocado toast with his latte this morning. "I can't even!"

CNN's Don Lemon wrote a formal apology to the farmers, but they claimed they couldn't read it and so the sanctions would continue.

A few years ago I had occasion to engage in conversation with a young Iowa state trooper, and after the matter of exactly how fast I’d ben traveling the macadam was resolved amicably, the discussion turned to the contemptuous attitude eastern elites held towards rural rubes. The trooper wasn’t particularly concerned about their feelings and certainly not consumed by any sense of inferiority. “Heck, we’ve got the food, they got their cities,” he said. “We figure they can just starve, they’ve a mind to”.

That was in 2014, and I was reminded of that man, and his friends later on, when Hillary was ranting about the deplorables infesting her country. She maybe should have come with me on that road trip.