Forget all the dire warnings posted here and elsewhere — we've been saved

No possessions, too, except for iPhones — don’t wanna hurt no Chinee

Coronavirus mysteriously disappears after celebrities band together to sing “Imagine”.

WORLD—The coronavirus pandemic miraculously ended today after celebrities digitally joined together to sing John Lennon's "Imagine" in a universally loved viral video.

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"As soon as the virus saw the celebrities singing about a communist utopia, it seems to have admitted defeat," said one amazed public health official. "And to think we wasted so many resources on trying to stop this thing when the clear solution was simply to sing about no heaven, no hell, no religion, and no possessions. The celebs didn't even have to give up their possessions, either -- they just had to sing about it, and the virus went away without any further harm."

Celebrities say they will be singing "We are the World" from their luxury jets to end climate change next.