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AS approved by Dr. Fauci

New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen

One presumes that blacks, Latinos, imported Afghans and illegal aliens, few, if any of whom are vaccinated, will be given a secret code to bypass the new security feature. Anything less would be racist and heteropatriarchal imperialism.

CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.

"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."

"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."