What, was Justin Trudeau unavailable? Kim Jong-un?

Empress of the Hermit Kingdom will leave her New Zealand subjects shuttered in their homes whilst she flies 9,000 miles to Harvard to deliver its commencement address and accept that institution’s Dear Leader Award.

Ardern, 41, will travel 9,100 miles from the Kiwi capital of Wellington to Massachusetts to speak at the prestigious Commencement on May 26, while Americans and other tourists remain barred from her island nation until July.

'Prime Minister Ardern is one of the most respected leaders on the world stage and we are delighted she will join us in May to celebrate the Class of 2022,' said Harvard President Larry Bacow. 

'From climate change and gender equality to COVID-19, she has modeled compassionate leadership that has brought together empathy and science-based solutions to address the most challenging issues of our time. 

'I very much look forward to her address.' 

“I suppose we could be accused of jumping the gun when we invited her last fall”, Larry told FWIW, “but who knew that Justin would go full-progressive this year? I mean, wow, martial law? Freezing bank accounts without warrants? Forcing tow truck operators to do the bidding of their government? Those are our wet dreams here at Harvard, man — and Justin’s done it first? We’re in awe.

“Still”, he continued, “Jacinda’s no slouch when it comes to using ‘science-based solutions’ to keep the little people in their proper place; she’s sure to have some great advice for our graduates on how they can achieve the same thing as they move from here to their new roles in Washington, so we’re all excited that she’s coming.”