As expected, this didn't take long
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Belgium is the first to impose a lockdown for those exhibiting “symptoms” of monkeypox
The virus originates in Africa, though it appears the current outbreak started at a gay fetish festival aptly named “Darklands,” which recently took place in … Antwerp, Belgium. Monkeypox is hard to contract; it seems one can only get it from “close contact” with an infected person.
QUESTION-O-RAMA! Where else have we seen a virus that originates in Africa and affects mostly gay men?
The correct answer is AIDS.
What Is the Darklands Festival?
Darklands is a gay men’s leather fetish, spank, and sex festival. One of the highlights of Darklands is called “Mr. Puppy,” where gay men in leather parade around with gay men dressed as dogs on a leash in a Westminster-ish competition. #GayPride!
OUCH-O-RAMA! One of the festival’s sponsors is a leather apparel company called “Monkey Sergeants.” #Can’tMakeThisUp
If I had to guess, I’d suggest the monkeypox may have been spread at the “Horse Fair,” where “mares” wear only hoods and boots, and “stallions” … uh … ride them. Mares may not refuse sex from any stallion, but they can say no to kissing. Don’t blame me, I didn’t make the rules.
GRAPHIC WARNING: if you go to that last link, you may not like what you read.
Good news! Though the festival may have brought monkeypox to the world via equestrian-themed group sex, the festival’s producers have decided, in the name of all things equity, to rename the Mr. Puppy contest for next year.
In 2020 we elected the fifth Mr. Puppy Europe titleholder at Darklands. To celebrate this, and to move forward we are proud to announce changes to our contest and how we are getting ready for a more inclusive future.
From the next title year, during the election taking place at Darklands, we will drop the ‘Mr’ from the title and open our contest up to all genders. We do this in line with many of our European contests that have already dropped genders. After five male titleholders, we are ready to welcome the next, whichever gender they may be.
Monkeypox symptoms include aches and pains, fever, sore throat, and, later, swollen lymph nodes. Those same symptoms can also indicate mono, ear infections, and a bad tooth, among other afflictions, but can we ever be too careful? Will limiting lock downs to just boys dressed in leather doggy suits and sprouting pustules be sufficient, or should we be looking to WHO’s top medical advisor, Xi Jinping, for the final word? Oh, you know the answer to that!
