We give up – it'll just have to be one of those mysteries, like where the WuHu Flu came from

Not to worry, you’re in the clear, big guy

Having changed its story about where it was found: the public access library in the West Wing; an entrance used only by staff; etc., now comes a claim that the Secret Service “can’t figure out who might have brought that cocaine into the White House”. A decade or so ago, I might have at least given a skeptical, benefit of the doubt to FBI statements; that trust is long since gone.

Visitors to the White House are required to present ID and have to sign up a minimum of 21 days in advance for background checks. “Bags of any kind,” including clutches and fanny packs, are not allowed, White House guidance reads.

“Without physical evidence, the investigation will not be able to single out a person of interest from the hundreds of individuals who passed through the vestibule where the cocaine was discovered,” Secret Service officials reportedly said.