In case you ignored the news this weekend, as I did ...

Our Paper of Record’s got the story:

.. "Finally, we will get down to the people's business of stealing all their money for our pet projects, making backroom deals, and holding meaningless investigations where we yell and point angrily at people to get some sweet sound bytes for our reelections," said McCarthy to the assembled warmongers, rapists, and half-dead geriatrics in the room. "Our long congressional nightmare is over, and the long national nightmare is finally here! Huzzah!"

…. Experts predict that business as usual will resume first thing Monday, as politicians give portentous speeches to empty rooms, have important meetings with weapons manufacturers, and attend coke orgies. "Americans are overwhelmingly pleased to be finally achieving a state of normalcy in Washington again," said one pollster.